"I just love e way we connect.
I'm drawn towards it, and you yourself.
I look up to you.
Your cute antics amuse me.
Your eyes speak volumes.
And you know how to treat a girl right.
And i can talk to you bout anything and everything.
So i wish i could be in your arms.
I wish time didnt play a trick on us.
I wish for e day i can call you my boy officially.
Till happily after."
~0235
"I'm experiencing insomnia though i'm tired. Sigh. I miss you. I don't know since when i started to anticipate our meetups. Whenever i hear honks, car beeping sounds from below when i'm lying on my bed awake, i cant help but ask myself if it's you giving a surprise visit. There was one night it became quite bad
i was resting my head on my folded arms at my kitchen window, looking out to e carpark.
And on those nights, e sessions would end off w my grown-up self speaking to the child within." Go sleep ba. dont think so much."
~0136
The thought has come before, but i have always dismissed it. It seems like its unavoidable.
When 2 persons have given everything for you.
And yet you cannot reciprocate in equal terms.
You end up hurting both and damning yourself to hell.
Who will answer the prayer for someone who do not deserve to be salvaged?
If there should be pain, let the pain be on me. Spare them of the agony.
How could you have forgotten about me?
Clean forgotten. For hours.
It only hurts more to learn that u were in his company moments before.
Will u understand?
Will you too make sure that its the last time i cried if i had?
Once upon a time,
there was this old man.
And this old man,
has a vase.
The vase looks ordinary, but the old man insist it's special.
And every day, the old man will take the vase out and wipe it clean with care,
Caressing the contours and staring at it,
like it was the most expensive thing on earth.
When the old man died,
the sons and daughters gathered,
and sold the vase they did,
only to find out it's worth no more than a single penny.
It turns out that it's special,
only to the old man perhaps,
something that grew more and more as he wipes and clean it every day.
Something is special not because it is,
but because, to the person who think it is,
that person had spent effort polishing it.
Do you understand? Effort of maintenance. Not magic.
It seems to have become a battle.
Between you and her.
Between my disdain for exorbitant luxury and your obsession for them
Between my my preference for natural and your quest for vanity
Between my overly possessive self and your desire to break free
Between my capabilities and yours
I seem to be embarking on a quest to prove my worth.
That is why not all everybody suits you, and you have actually found one who can overlook this battle in the name of LOVE.
This pain and angst in me i cannot descibe,
sufferings i have brought you.
If could sleep and just die tomorrow,
if i could just vanish from the surface of this world,
allow me.
i am sorry.
yet, i am so unhappy.
You say we will start collecting ticket stubs.
I asked really?
And that told you should not be forcing yourself, that you must enjoy the process too.
You did not reply.
No, it wasn't intentional. You forgot to reply.
Maybe shouldn't collect ticket stubs.
Eating good food is so much a better choice.
Cravings satisfied. And no restlessness, nor moments of boredom.
I never did mind watching movie alone. I will keep my single stub. The whole world can scoff at my solidarity and continue ridculing me,
while i relish my moment of serenity.
"Sunday morning and the raining is falling...."
I hope i can see you in my dreams tonight.
I will hold your hands tight while we stroll on the golden sand as the sun rise.
I will hug you from the back as you held on to the string that flies the kite.
I will touch your cheek as your cheek gently as you smile, beads of perspiration i will gingerly wipe.
I will kiss you under the moon as i embrace you tight.
I will spend the perfect day, in the realm of no restrain alright,
if i see you in my dreams tonight.
Tell me about your emotion mixture. Why do you feel each of the sad, guilty, stun, comfort and helpless?
Please do not forget yourself. Happy times together should not only bring me comfort but you too. You know?
I am just anal about watching movie. :) But its okie. I understand and i can take a step backwards at the appropriate time.
This is what i owe him.
Sometimes, i felt like i am being torn apart, from the inside.
Do you understand?
Will you understand?
Why do i feel so moody?
i will go back one week in time if i may.
Like a movie, if i could,
it has a bad start at the airport
and a bad ending, at the airport again.
Not that i could complain or that i am in the position to.
At least the story was good.
Am going to miss the 24 hour dosage.
If only i could find that half the memory that was gone in 60 seconds.
On a side note, such things make me feel like a girl at time. And worse, one that is having her period 24/7 of the time. Emotional rollercoaster are hard to stomach.
You slept there blissfully like a baby. On his shoulders, sound in slumber, oblivion to the happenings around you. He sat beside you, shoulders soft and gentle like your pillow, yet strong upright, and reliable. He watches over you, as your head rests on his frame, hands hugging him. He is gently stroking your hair while mantaining a watch eye of the surrounding, as if prepared to throw himself at any danger for you and you only. You look tired, he looks tired too, yet he dares not sleep. Fearing that any slight movement will rob you of those precious moments of sleep. He was, is and will be the reason why you are sleeping peacefully.
What a nice picture. And this romantic moment, this serenity is played on as the run way lights cast a soft hue on you two.
The nice piano music plays in the background.
I look to my left at this picture. Hundreds of thoughts surfaced. Hundreds of thoughts vanished. Simultaneously with the hundreds of hearts that died.
Furious, Anger, Jealousy, Confusion and all, and to think i thought i was prepared for all of these. How more wrong could i get.
he looked to his right. I took a step back. I look front.
And walked away.
"Wasnt't that hair suppose to be flowing through my fingers?"
"Wasn't that scent suppose to linger around me?"
No never, it never was that way. I snapped back to reality.
"why the hell are you even angry?"
"you have no rights! you have no say!"
He may not score As. He may not be a thinker, but he loves you so. Deeper than than deepest ocean, more than there are stars in the sky.
"And who are you to spoil all these?"
"You are nothing, Nothing. NOTHING!"
You never know what you just took away from him...
whose only mistake is to love too much, too deeply...
i never knew...
i rmb now. he's the smoking hot tpjc male contestant of the inter-jc pageant i was involved in.
I am none of the cute you go ga ga over. I am none of the style you aspire to be. You contemplate if the next wallet should be from Louis Vuitton. I hold on tightly to my 5 year-old black wallet that is weathered and has a hole at the coin pouch.
i am plain. I am me. I am normal. I am what you see.
This is one big fat line that might never meet...
Wonderwoman's superman cannot be replaced nor removed. They're in e same league.
Received:02:08:49 30-03-2008
二十二岁的天空，忽然多了好些乌云。二十五天的联系，你是否也在意。
戴上画上微笑的面具。
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
长的简讯你不常发。一发却却是如此办。。。。。。
People and roles inmy life. I don't wanna mess everything up. Although i'm not as systematic as you,i need to have a certain structure in mind. Doesn't help to know that i can't be yours. Things shouldn't happen but i let it happen.
I really wanna love you. But when i think of the responsibilities we have, what we have to overcome, that thought seem to thin away fast. Bu ke yi de hua jiu bu yao sang zuo ke yi. Bu ran tong ku shi ci zaode shi. I dont wanna evolve to someone nasty and attempt to snatch you away from her for good.
